Over the weekend news broke that DC Comics Co-Publisher Dan DiDio is no longer with the company. As of this writing, details are scarce, and there has been no official announcement of any kind.

Naturally, this has led to rampant speculation as to why and what it means for the future, but, again, no one really knows, or at least anyone who does know isn’t saying anything.

Speaking of not saying anything, for my part, I will note only that there are a lot of things that happened during his tenure that I liked, and a lot of things I didn’t, but the overwhelming response to the news from pros who know him and have worked from him has been to heap praise on him of both a personal and professional nature, and to wish him well. I wish him the best of luck.

Still, the question of what the future holds remains. While some are speculating that this might somehow be a harbinger of the end of DC Comics – at least as a company that publishes comics – as parent company AT&T restructures and reorganizes everything, no one really knows for certain what any of this means.

I hope that whatever does happen, the end result is that there’s a better, safer working environment for everyone that provides opportunities for creators who have been denied those opportunities.

The more immediate question is if Jim Lee will simply continue on as the sole Publisher, or if another Co-Publisher will be brought on to join him, and if so, who?

I have a suggestion.

The case for why I should be made Publisher of @DCComics:

1. If I get the job, I will HAVE a job, which is something I currently do not have.
2. I could really use a job.

As you can see, it's a solid argument, irrefutable in its logic. I await the inevitable offer.

— Jon Maki (@jonpaulmaki) February 24, 2020

So, what would I bring to the table as Publisher? Here is the list of promises that I’m willing to make in order to get you support my campaign to land the gig.

Everyone’s Favorite Ships Will Be Canon

All of them. “But,” you ask, “what about ships that contradict other ships?” Well, the multiverse is back, isn’t it? There’s room for any and all combinations! Plus there’s even that whole Dark Multiverse for some of the more risque ships.

“Okay, but, like, my ships are really…well, not suitable for T+ books.” That’s what DC Black Label is for!

“…I mean, really, really not suitable for even books that are Rated M. For example – ” Let me just stop you right there and say that I also promise to do what I can to connect you with whatever help you might need, okay?

Every Comic Will Deliver Exactly What You Want, But Will Also Be Surprising

Nothing will ever change, but everything will always be new! At no point will any comic you read ever deviate from the way you think it should be, and it will play out exactly the way it does in your head, but it will also, somehow, not be too predictable.

No one will ever act in an inconsistent, out-of-character manner. Unless that’s what you want, in which case, that’s exactly what they’ll do.

I’ll Fire All The People You Hate

But I’ll do it in such a way that they’ll still be around making comics for the fans who love them. No one at the new DC will have a position, they will all have, fittingly enough, superpositions in which they simultaneously do and do not work for DC.

This will be my new and innovative management style.

Nothing Bad Will Ever Happen To Any Of Your Favorites

Everything will be perfect, and no harm will ever come to your precious babies. But the stories will still be exciting and full of conflict, and high-stakes adventure, even as you rest assured that everything’s going to be A-OK! Smooth sailing for everyone. But with excitement!

You’ll Still Have Plenty Of Stuff To Get Mad About Online

Yes, every comic will be perfect and make you happy, but you won’t know that ahead of time, so when you see some preview pages or a cover image for an upcoming issue, there will be things you can take out of context, wildly speculate about, and wallow in that oh-so sweet nerd rage that you so desperately need for months in advance.

After all, nobody hates comic books more than comic book fans do, and by your very nature you’re incapable of realizing that nothing is forever in comics, and not everything is as it seems at first glance, so there will be so many things that will piss you off and give you that rage high!

Maybe a character will be conspicuously absent from a cover! Or conspicuously present! Maybe the DC Twitter account will tweet something inaccurate or that implies that your ship isn’t canon! Anything can happen, so you should probably start typing up those death threats and those “JON MAKI IS RUINING DC!” tweets and grab your metaphorical – I hope! – torches and pitchforks now!

I’ll Wrest Control Of The Movies And TV Shows

How will I do it? Let’s not worry about details, let me just assure you that I’ll do it, and I will apply the same approach to the stories in other media that I’ve listed above for comics.

You’ll be so happy and so angry, and being angry will make you happier!

And that, friends, is my promise to you: I will say literally anything to get the job. This I swear.

…okay, more seriously, if DC is looking to bring on a replacement, I’m with those who are calling for it to be Karen Berger, though I do see some merit in Kurt Busiek’s argument that it should be someone – like former DC Publisher Jenette Kahn – who has experience outside the comics industry, and can bring in new ideas and focus on the business side of the job.

Still, ridiculous, joking promises aside, DC could do a lot worse than hiring me.

After all, I am already a Publisher.

See?

Of course, that’s exactly why I don’t really want the job at DC. (I so do.) Even the allure of, you know, actually getting paid would not be enough to get me to leave OpenDoor Comics behind (…how much money are we talking?), and nothing could convince me to take the job. (DC, please hit me up. I don’t need to be convinced.)

It would, however, be nice to make at least a little money while I engage in this labor of love, and not only do I not have Dan DiDio’s job, I don’t have any job at all, so as a reminder…

Supporting OpenDoor Comicsis a thing you can do, by whitelisting the site in your ad blocker, by purchasing something from the OpenDoor Comics Shop, by creating your own comics on the OpenDoor Comics platform, or through directly giving money via Patreon or PayPal.

This was, of course, all in fun (Please, DC, I’m begging you. I need this.), so please take it in the spirit in which it was intended, and try not to take any of it too seriously. (Unless you’re DC, in which case, take it very seriously.)