Unbagging Teen Titans Vol. 1 #13
Teen Titans: The Silver Age Omnibus
#1HC
| Release: | Nov 02, 2016 |
| Cover: | Nov 02, 2016 |
Creators
| Writer | Bob Haney, Neal Adams, Gil Kane, Len Wein, Steve Skeates, Marv Wolfman, Steve Ditko, Mike Friedrich |
| Artist | Nick Cardy, Bruno Premiani, Gil Kane, Neal Adams, Bill Draut, Steve Ditko |
| Cover Artist | Darwyn Cooke |
| Penciller | Bill Molino, Neal Adams, Lee Elias, Irv Novick, Gil Kane |
| Inker | John Celardo, Wally Wood, Sal Trapani, Jack Abel, Nick Cardy |
| Colorist | Drew R. Moore |
| Editor | Murray Boltinoff, Dick Giordano, George Kashdan, Carmine Infantino |
Charles Dickens was quite a writer!
There’s a bit of a disconnect between the title of this post and the comic featured at the top. That’s because the copy I have of the specific comic I want to talk about is reprinted in the omnibus. And it’s appropriate to mention the omnibus as I think I received it as a Christmas present years ago. (It may have been a birthday present, but regardless of the occasion, it was a gift, so it feels appropriate.)
Here’s the cover of the actual issue:
Of course, I originally read this story as a reprint in this:
As of this writing, Christmas is in two days, so I thought I should do something to acknowledge the season.
And if I’m going to do that, why not do it in the swingingest, coolest, most gear way possible with a story featuring those young heroic hepcats the titanic Teen Titans?
Like this post, our story, from writer Bob Haney and artist Nick Cardy, begins two days before Christmas with the young heroes settled in at their swinging secret HQ waiting for the holiday, passing the time in the coolest way possible: by reading comics!
Well, most of them are. Over in Dullsville – Population: Robin – a stodgy, corny Christmas classic is getting a perusal.
However, peer pressure ultimately wins out.
While the Titans are chilling, not far away at a junkyard, a man named Bob Ratchet is freezing, working hard for his skinflint boss Mr. Scrounge, who refuses to pay for anything as frivolous as heat.
Even though he thinks Christmas is a bunch of *ahem* humbug, Mr. Scrounge agrees to give Ratchet the day off on Christmas, as long as he gets all of his work done. Despite the cold, Ratchet is eager to put in some overtime so that he can afford to buy a new wheelchair for his son, Tiny Tom.
However, unexpected company leads Scrounge to send Ratchet home early, which strikes Ratchet as being suspicious, especially given that he doesn’t like the looks of the thugs Scrounge is meeting with.
Meanwhile, Tiny Tom shows up to visit his dad and witnesses the strange dealings that Scrounge has with the couple of mooks who have delivered a truckload of both junk and cash. Lurking in the shadows, Tiny Tom learns that the men are smugglers – working for someone named Mr. Big – who have a special ray can turn expensive items into junk and then back again, a device used to import expensive goods without having to pay tariffs, something that would come in especially handy these days…
Once the goods are restored to their original conditions they can be sold at a premium.
Tiny Tom rushes home to tell his father what he’s witnessed, and Ratchet goes to Mr. Scrounge instead of going to the police. Scrounge threatens to fire Ratchet if he tells anyone and further decides that to make up for sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong Ratchet will have to work on Christmas Day.
Undeterred, Tiny Tom reaches out to the Titans for their help.
The Titans and Tiny Tom tail the smugglers, but before the Titans can witness the transformation of trash to treasure, a shadowy figure shows up and beats the stuffing out of the smugglers before running off. The youngsters follow the figure all the way back to the home of one Ebenezer Scrounge.
The Titans intervene before Scrounge finishes becoming acquainted with justice, and they learn that Farley is Scrounge’s former partner who took the fall for Scrounge after some faulty equipment they sold led to some injuries.
Scrounge calls the cops, Farley, an escaped convict, takes off, and the Titans follow suit, as they are trespassing after all and have no proof that Tiny Tom’s claims about illegal activity are true.
However, Robin has noticed a strange coincidence that only the sharpest of sharp-eyed readers will have picked up on.
The Titans thus hatch a scheme inspired by ol’ Chuck Dickens himself and use their powers to take on the roles of three spirits who will teach that miser Scrounge the true meaning of Christmas.
Christmas Eve arrives, and as Ratchet leaves Tiny Tom to go to work, he says that he hates that mean old Mr. Grinch Scrounge, but Tiny Tom tells him that he shouldn’t say that.
As the day of Christmas Eve turns into the actual eve and Ratchet returns to Tiny Tom, the Titans begin their haunting of Scrounge.
Alls seems to be going well until the Christmas Future portion of the program is interrupted by Mr. Big himself and an army of hoods.
They manage to shoot the Ghost of Christmas Future (Wonder Girl) out of the sky and stun her, revealing the Titans’ deception.
The others show up to save her and take out the thugs, but not before Wonder Girl is deposited into a car crusher.
Fortunately, she comes to in time to avoid becoming a Christmas pancake.
Even so, the Titans have a harder time than seems necessary or likely taking down Mr. Big and company, thanks to Mr. Big activating the trap that Scrounge had set up for dealing with trespassers, which is some kind of magnet? Or something? Whatever it is, all of the Titans find themselves pulled onto a pile of junk – a “junk tree” – from which they cannot escape.
Tiny Tom charges in on his wheelchair to take out Mr. Big, but Mr. Big smashes the wheelchair in retaliation.
Seeing this causes Scrounge’s heart to grow three sizes, and he turns off his trap and turns on Mr. Big.
Freed from the junk tree, the Titans finally finish taking out the rest of Mr. Big’s crew.
All that’s left is to wrap things up and put a bow on top in the form of Scrounge confirming that thanks to the Titans and Tiny Tom he’s a changed man.
He promises to do what he can to help his former partner get out of prison, to give Ratchet a raise and Christmas off, and he uses Mr. Big’s device to turn Tiny Tom’s crushed wheelchair into a fancy new electric wheelchair so that his dad won’t have to spend his hard-earned money on one.
And most importantly, Wonder Girl gets a new Christmas outfit.
As far as riffs on A Christmas Carol go, this one may not be the most, or even the ginchiest, but it is a fun bit of Silver Age goofiness.
And the biggest Christmas miracle of all was that Wonder Girl managed to keep her insatiable horniness in check for a change. I’m just glad the story didn’t involve them teaming up with Santa Claus, because I can just imagine an enamored Wonder Girl telling him he can come down her chimney any time, or that she’s got something other than a stocking that he could stuff…
Okay, sorry – I’m just always amused by how incredibly thirsty Haney made her back in the Silver Age, just as I’m always amused by how the sidekicks spend their downtime reading comics featuring their mentors.
There isn’t much that I love more than the angsty melodrama of the Wolfman/Pérez-era New Teen Titans, but it’s always fun to go back to the silliness of the old Teen Titans, if for no other reason than to enjoy the beautiful art and inventive layouts of Nick Cardy and Haney’s attempts at capturing the hip and happening lingo of the mod scene.
And on that note, I hope you’re all having a swinging, happening time enjoying whatever holidays you celebrate.
Born and raised in the sparsely populated Upper Peninsula of Michigan, Jon Maki developed an enduring love for comics at an early age.
